So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Randomize
