I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I wish there were birth control emojis
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
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