this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
