One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
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