Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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