this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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