Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
