Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Randomize
