Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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