I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Randomize
