i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
