sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
