wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
