He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
