i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
The feeling are messing with the penis
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
