I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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