we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
