If that was your dad, he is hot
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
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