remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
