I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
