wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
