STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
