I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
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