i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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