Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
