That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
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youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
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I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
I love you.
Bad choice
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