They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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