Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
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