omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
