in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
