I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize
