I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
