I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I am available for nakedness
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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