i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
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