Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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