You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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