i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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