as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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