well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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