guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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