I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
We left an ass print on the piano.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
