I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
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She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
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I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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