My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Randomize
