If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Randomize
