the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
