while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
