pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
do herpes really smell.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
