so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Randomize
