my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
