Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I smell like Dick and happiness
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
