Sorry, I don't speak sober.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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