Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
