he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize
