how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Randomize
