this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
