when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
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