I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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