Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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