Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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