"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
