i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
It's blow job season.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
