She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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