my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
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