Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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