If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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