Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
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