Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
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So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
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We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
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