Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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