I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Randomize
