i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
