Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
