This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
